Remember When
by MarcoLover16
Summary: Draco and Harry story. Love is a strange word. He lost his family. It brought them together. How can you feel empty without them...when you already felt empty with them? Alright, at the end of chapter 5, just ignore that little thing lol. It's a long sto
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Dread

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the world of Harry Potter

A/N: In this chapter, the point of views are sometimes changed, like in the flashback, but other than that, it is mostly from Harry's Point of View. Hope you enjoy :) please review. P.S. If there's anyone reading this who has never read any of my other stories, I'd like you to know that I simply can't learn how to italicize words on this cite, so if it is capitalized, it usually means that. Lol

My name is Harry Potter and I am seventeen years old and in one day, I will be on the train back for my seventh year at Hogwarts. I should be quite happy about this, as I usually am; however, I'm not excited at all. Let me tell you why.

It all started at the very beginning of the summer when I had a very important secret to tell some very important people. Of course, you should never keep a very important thing from your two best friends, right? Wrong. Now, I wish I had kept it a secret, for it caused so much more trouble than it was actually worth. On July third, I informed my best friends, Ron and Hermione, in two separate letters, that I was…well…

"Ron," Hermione pleaded, "please, just be calm about this, we are going to meet Harry at the Three Broomsticks, and we are going to talk about it."

"How can I be calm? He writes me a letter that basically says, 'oh, how are you? By the way, I'm attracted to men, from, Harry'"

"Oh, Ronald," Hermione stopped at the corner before pulling Ron inside. She glared at him, "that is not what he said…exactly… and he's still your friend and you go in there, be mature, and treat him as such. Do you understand?"

He sighed and took her hand, "I suppose," he said defeated. "I suppose that dating you is harder than I thought" he muttered.

"I will politely choose to ignore that because I am portraying calmness and maturity, see?" And with that, she pulled him into the pub.

Harry was sitting close to the windows with a drink in his hand and, since he had never got a response from the letter he sent to Ron, he was quite nervous. Hermione felt pity for him. Of course, she always felt pity for him, but this was one more thing added to his plate of things to worry about and Hermione hated to see him worry.

She knew it was probably harder for Ron to accept Harry's sexuality because he was a male and he slept in his dorm. Obviously, she knew, just because Harry was gay, did not mean, all of a sudden, he'd be in love with Ron. Also, it did not mean their friendship had to change at all, really, but she supposed it would be harder for a boy to accept it, anyway.

"Hello, Harry," Hermione sat down in the chair across from him, while Ron, looking uncomfortable, tried to pull one over from another table.

"Hey, Hermione, how's your summer been so far?" he asked conversationally, obviously wanting to avoid the dreaded, but necessary, subject for as long as possible.

"Well, it only started a few days ago," she laughed, "but then again, I suppose a lot can happen within a week. Do you believe Ron and I are actually together?"

Harry laughed, "Well, it was bound to happen sometime. Everyone knew. They just wanted you to figure out on your own, see? Ginny and I thought if you weren't together by the beginning of seventh year, we were going to completely set something up."

Hermione smiled the first true smile since she saw Harry, "Yeah? Well, I suppose I would have appreciated it. It's amazing how blind love can make you, hmm?"

Harry's smile dimmed a little and his eyes wandered down toward the table, "I wouldn't know."

Ron, who had not spoken since the arrived, had begun to fidget at the mention of his sister helping Harry to get he and Hermione together…

"Hey, Ron…alright?" Harry asked assuming correctly that something was definitely wrong.

Harry knew he was stupid for asking. He knew Ron much better than that! He should have waited for Ron's anger and confusion to subside, so that he would join into the conversation when he felt good about talking. Harry knew all this, but screwed up anyway.

When Ron spoke, it was in a whisper, such a soft tone that Harry wasn't sure he was even meant to hear. "Why did you date her? My sister…she LOVES you."

Harry didn't have an answer for the question at the time. It wasn't that he didn't like Ginny because he did, she was beautiful, smart, funny, kind, and just an amazing person. Less than a month before this time, I had been dating her and felt like the luckiest boy in the world…so, wasn't I? No. No, I wasn't because, of course, Harry Potter's idiotic mind had to strike me with some other issue. Voldemort.

Honestly, this was the reason I had broken up with her. Whatever people may assume when they find out about my sexuality, it was truly because of Voldemort and the fighting. I cared about Ginny and I'd give my life for her, as I would any loved one…but I wasn't in love with her and I know that now.

Finally, I found my voice, "I don't…I don't know."

Okay, so Harry admitted to himself, that was a bad answer to the question.

"You don't know? What do you mean you don't know! I accepted your relationship with much reluctance, but I accepted it because, silly me, I thought you really wanted to BE with her. I trusted your feelings for her. I guess I'll never make that mistake again."

"Ron, I…I was confused. I didn't use her…I just…please, that's not fair!"

"I never said you USED her, but yeah, maybe you did. It would make sense because you didn't want the wizarding world thinking you might not be interested in women."

"Ron!" yelled Hermione pulling him out of his now standing position.

"No, Hermione, you don't need to yell at him, okay? He has every right to say what he needs to. Go ahead, Ron, tell me what you think my "motives" really were."

Now that Ron was given full permission to say whatever he pleased, he seemed to have lost his ability to speak.

"I--- I don't even know…why…what if…please…IT DOESN'T MATTER!" he yelled so loudly that all of the customers turned their heads to face them. Hermione smiled slightly and waved them off, while shushing Ron.

"All I know was that it was a dumb idea for Hermione to drag me here tonight…I'll see you in school, Harry. Enjoy your summer at the Dursley's because you're, sure as hell, not staying with me." He pulled his chair out ignoring the screech of the floor and walked out.

Harry, looking miserable, turned to face Hermione again, "He'll…get over it, right?" Though, he didn't sound one bit convinced.

"Harry, he'll come around. He loves you…I mean…" Hermione paused, suddenly she was uncomfortable as well, "as a friend, of course."

Harry chuckled softly, "I knew what you meant…and I hope you're right. You should getting going with him. He's probably waiting desperately for you."

Hermione stood up and hugged him as close as her body would let her and pecked him on the cheek. "Well, it looks like I'm not going to see you all summer…which feels absolutely horrible. I mean, to think…you'll be at home with them all summer and"

"Hermione, I've dealt with it before and I'll deal with it again. Besides, in the mood Ron's in with me, I'd rather hang around with my cousin."

Hermione smiled sadly, "Do try and have a good summer and I'll see you…hopefully, before school starts. Ron may change his mind…but Ginny will also feel uncomfortable and…well, we'll see how it goes."

And this is certainly how it went. Not very nicely, I can assure you. So, tomorrow I will be heading back to school and I am nervous as hell. What if Ron told other people? What if they all know? What if he never speaks to me again? What if GINNY knows? These questions have been pestering my mind all summer, but now that school begins tomorrow, they've gotten even worse.

The funny thing is, it seems way more important to me to have Ron back and hope that nobody finds out that I'm….well, nobody finds out my secret, than defeating the death eaters.

Oh, and this might be an interesting thing to mention, I've defeated Voldemort. No, your eyes do not deceive you, I, in one month, defeated the most powerful (other than Dumbledore) wizard that has ever lived. So, I suppose this makes me the most powerful? No, I'm not bragging. At all. It's just that after I completed this entire task that I'd been trying all my life to do, I completed it in one month, of one summer…and Ron still had NOTHING to say to me.

You see? Much more important things to worry about, and yet, it always brings me back to my friendship problem.

It's funny how, even without their "master", these Death Eaters are still fighting for their cause. It was my job, and mine alone, to take care of Lord Voldemort, but since he is through, it is the Order of the Phoenix's job to take care of the remaining followers.

I find it completely amazing how so much can happen in one summer, so much death and destruction caused me myself…and yet, tomorrow, I'll still be heading back to school to learn about defending myself.

I finished packing and was getting ready to head in to bed when Hedwig flew through the window with The Daily Prophet. I laughed to myself as I petted her, "What the hell took you so long? It's almost eleven at night. You might as well have brought tomorrow's with you.

I checked the front cover and, thankfully, there was nothing about me. I had been in the paper almost every day straight for the past month and now they've moved on. Instead, I saw a familiar, but not so pleasant to my eyes, name on the front with a picture. The Malfoy family and a story about how they were dead. Well, not Draco, of course because the world couldn't take away one more thing I dreaded, but his parents. For a moment, I felt pity, considering I was an orphan myself, but it was quickly replaced with hatred. I threw the paper in the trash and put myself under the covers. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 Feeling Bad?

I woke up to the completely pleasant sound of my cousin stampeding across the house. I looked at my watch and realized it was around ten, so I figured I needed to get ready to go. After I was dressed and basically ready, I looked at myself in the mirror and shook my head slowly.

"Well, Harry, you've looked better," I said to myself, though didn't bother to change anything either.

"So," growled my Uncle as he devoured his toast, "I suppose you're off, then?"

"Yes, for the entire year," I paused and then added, "Of course, you'll still have to drive me"

He nodded and before I knew it, we were in the car close to arrival. Ron's words kept playing through my mind as I walked across the station alone. I couldn't help, but wonder…was he right or was I? It was a very difficult decision, but in the end, my guilt took over and I began to believe I was the one who was wrong.

As usual, I walked, or rather, ran through the wall to platform 9 ¾ and I saw from a distance, the Weasley family. I tried to get onto the train unnoticed, but unfortunately, I don't give Ginny enough credit. She noticed me as soon as I came through and ran to me, throwing her arms around my neck.

I smiled and hugged her back, "Good summer?" I whispered.

She shrugged, pulling away, "It would have been much better if you were there," she frowned. "I was going to write you and get you to come, my mom wanted to as well, but she felt that with the tension going on, it'd be a bad idea."

Wait.one.second. Did that mean what I thought it meant? Did Ron tell his entire family!

"Ginny," I started, but was not able to finish my thought as Mrs. Weasley, obviously wondering where her daughter had run off to, caught my eyes and walked over. She, too, embraced me as though she'd never see me again.

"Oh, so good to see you, dear! I hope it wasn't awful at your house. I wanted"

"Mum, I…talked to him already, we need to get on the train," said Ginny.

"Oh! Of course, you must! Do have a good year. I'll miss you both!"

………………………………………………………………………………….

Ginny, loved me, and would have let me sit with her and her friends, if needed, but I couldn't do that. It would have been most uncomfortable. Hermione, as she said in her letters that she would, searched the train to come sit with me before she had to fulfill her duties as Head Girl.

She smiled and sat across from him, "I think I'm having a break through." She said with that irritating smile. When I looked puzzled, she rolled her eyes, "With Ron…I think I'm actually getting through to him and he's beginning to accept it."

"Yeah?" I asked, "Then, where is he?"

She smiled even wider at this, "Head duties, covering for me. Which means, I've got to get going, but do you believe it? Ron's Head Boy? I'm so proud of him!" she laughed softly, "I'll see you later and," she stared intently in my eyes before leaving the compartment, "I'll be bringing Ron."

She left me alone again. It was hard to fathom that there were some times, like this, when I would BEG inside me head to be left alone and then when I was, I desperately wished I were with people. However, before I was able to further think this through, I was rudely interrupted.

"Potter," I looked up. That feeling, you know, that one that clearly stated I didn't want to be alone. I take it all back. Just get him out of here, my mind pleaded.

"Malfoy," I acknowledged his presence and then quickly looked out the window. When had Hermione said she'd be returning?

"What's this? The boy who lived without his fans…friends, as you like to call them…?" He smirked, that annoying smirk that made me want to rip his mouth from his face.

"Ohhh, yes, my friends have abandoned me." I rolled my eyes. "I don't see yours with you…or are my glasses really that bad?"

I had long since turned away from the window and looked into his eyes when I saw them flash. With anger or with hurt, I didn't know, but they didn't show happiness and it was when I remembered the paper from last night.

What does one do in a situation like this one? I could tell him that I understood how he felt. I could tell him that it's "okay". Or, I could do the thing that would bring me most joy. I could make us even and make him feel the pain I've been forced to bear. The pain, that was caused, partly, by him.

What did I do? Nothing, of course because that was just like me. I wasn't going to bring up the subject and if he happened to, I would say that I didn't get to read yesterday's paper at all.

He was silent, though, and I took advantage of it. "Well? Aren't you going to sneer at me, mutter some understandably rude comment and then strut out of my compartment like you own the place? Because, in case you're wondering, that's what I'm waiting for."

He did, in fact, sneer, but I doubt it was because I told him to…if it were, he'd have followed through with the "strutting". He pushed a hand in front of his face to move the strands of hair that fell into his eyes and came closer.

"Word around the train is your friends are dating now."

I raised my eyebrow waiting for him to continue his thought. When he didn't, I answered, "So?"

"So? So, you're no longer needed, then. I mean, what with You-know-who gone and Ron and Hermione have each other…what could anyone possibly need you for? If you've noticed, even the paper has stopped writing about you. You're old news, Harry Potter."

I tried to pretend that it didn't sting. It shouldn't have stung because I didn't care about the fame. What if it were true, though? What if Ron never did come back to me because he didn't need me anymore? He had a full dorm of friends and Hermione as his girlfriend. What did he need his gay friend for anymore? Nothing. For once, Malfoy had a point. They needed nothing from him.

Of course, I wasn't going to admit this "point" I found that Malfoy had. "Oh, yes, I may be old news because they've moved on to people like you, haven't they? You're the next big story. Look, maybe my friends have given up…or whatever…but if they have, at least, I know MY parents loved me…you…" I stopped immediately.

He knew it. He knew at that moment that he never should have brought the newspaper into this. Forget what I said about not torturing him when he's given me the perfect bait for it.

He looked angry. He looked upset and angry and that is what I wanted. So, why wasn't I pleased? Damnit, I should have been happy, but my stupid sensitive side came in and I sighed.

"Malfoy," I started.

"Bye," he answered slamming the compartment door.

A few minutes later, Hermione stepped into the compartment with a silent Ron. I supposed silent was better than screaming. They sat down across from me and stared…it looked as though they were waiting for me to say something.

Finally, Ron stepped in. "I'm angry that you hurt my sister." He said softly.

I didn't know why he said it, but he wasn't done. "Ron,"

"Please," he said softer still, "I'm so angry that you hurt her when you know how hard I try to protect her. My own friend…" he paused for a long time and I almost thought that was it, but he started again. "I don't like that you are gay, but you're my friend and I will accept it. However, that doesn't let you off the hook for my sister."

"Ron…we talked…over the summer, in letters. She hugged me at the station…we're okay. She's okay. I love her…I just can't love her that way."

He nodded, "I'm still a bit…uncomfortable with"

"Ron!" I interrupted laughing, "I suppose I can try to…I don't know, not spice you with too much 'gayness'."

"And…I suppose…I can try to sleep in the same bed as always." He stopped, took one look at my questioning gaze and added, "I was so mad before, I was going to switch dorms."

Ron extended his hand out for me to shake. It was more than just a handshake. It was a sign of his trust. It was a sign of his care, his forgiveness and how much the friendship mattered to him. Most of all, though, it drove the words from before right out of my mind. Honestly, I thought they'd give me away because they had a relationship? Why, on earth, was I going to listen to Malfoy?

I shook his hand, smiling, and Hermione nearly died of ecstasy. She clapped her hands together.

"Oh, Harry! We certainly have to try and find you a boyfriend!" she squealed.

"Oh, Hermione!" Ron yelled, "Too soon, too soon! I just accepted it. Can we talk boyfriends later?"

I laughed, so glad to have my friend back, "Don't worry, Ron. Hermione…not yet." I smiled, though because I was so glad she was okay with the subject.

"Soon?" she asked clearly disappointed.

"Soon," I clarified. "Ah, and we're finally here!"

McGonagall, as our new Headmistress, had a longer speech to day that Dumbledore's ever were. The reason being was getting used to her. She explained how she would be teaching and running the school and how this would be a difficult task. I understood, of course, why the speech had to be so long, but for Merlin's sake, I was HUNGRY. Thank god, at least the sorting was done.

Finally, she was done talking, and the food appeared. All manners forgotten, I lunged. I grabbed some of everything for my plate. Just as I was about to dig in, I noticed that Draco Malfoy was not in attendance.

He was probably so disgusted by what I said that he didn't come to dinner. I remembered what I said and I, too, felt disgusted. How could I have gone to his level? Been so heartless…? My stomach hurt and I no longer felt like eating. I pushed my plate away and told Ron and Hermione that I wanted to rest.

I left the Great Hall and went straight to my dormitory. I fell onto my bed and put my head under the pillow trying to drown out the sound of his angered voice in my ears.

Ron came up a little while after the feast because Hermione wanted to find out what was wrong, I assumed. She could have come up herself, though because Ron didn't really sense that something was wrong. He just sat down on his bed and raised his eyebrow.

"You alright?" he asked.

"Yes," I lied wondering how far he'd take it.

"Well…good, then," And that was the end of his interrogation. It seemed funny to me how different he and Hermione really were. How they were together…I couldn't answer.

"Well, it's still early. Do you want to come down and talk in the Common Room with us?" he asked looking into my eyes. I hoped they didn't betray my answer.

"Alright," I said quietly. I suddenly groaned and looked at Ron, "Hermione wants to talk about my being gay, doesn't she?"

Ron nodded slowly. I groaned again before he added, "Well, I don't know exactly what she CAN say…I pretty much said it all." He laughed.

We walked down the stairs to the Common Room and I laughed as I saw how eager Hermione was to speak with us.

"Oh, good, you came down! I was afraid you wouldn't and I brought you your food." She smiled. I suddenly realized how hungry I was again and snatched it quickly from her hands.

"Malfoy torturing you again, Harry?" she asked with a visible frown.

I tried to smile, "Well, I'm used to it, aren't I? Look, it's just something I said to him on the train about his parents. You know me! The guilt's…coming home." I laughed softly.

Ron rolled his eyes, "And only YOU would feel sorry for someone who's made your life a living hell."

"Yeah, Harry, don't worry," said Hermione. "I mean…the boy has serious, serious issues."

"Well, we'd best be off to bed now," said Hermione the "voice" of reason. "We wouldn't want you two to be late for your first class of the year."

We nodded our heads, knowing that arguing with her was a lost cause especially when classes were involved.

We did, indeed, get to our first class on time, as I kindly reminded Hermione as we sat down, but even when I win, I lose because she said it was because "I got you to bed,".

Transfiguration was never one of my worst subjects, but the class was awful. I mean, not particularly every year was it as bad as this particular one because of Malfoy.

I expected his dirty looks, his taunting, his…laughing, but his silence…was something I definitely hadn't grown used to and if I hadn't been there, I wouldn't have believed it.

Draco Malfoy, for once in his life, was quiet…and I found myself wishing he wasn't.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: -------

A week had gone by and I found myself wanting more and more to apologize. For, I never saw Malfoy at meal times and he never looked my way in class. I begged for a dirty look here or there. Not that I particularly cared for his well being, I assure you, but it's my crazy conscious that's bothering me.

Of course, I knew better than to assume that Malfoy's anger or depression-whatever it was, was not caused mainly by me. I will not assume the entire responsibility. Now, I'm beginning to wonder how exactly Malfoy's parents were killed. I mean, I read the article, oh yes, but it didn't make much sense. First, they went on about how horrible the death was and suddenly, they made it seem as though it was done…for a good cause.

I knew it had something to do with the Order or…the ministry or someone on our side because…they had remained loyal to Voldemort to the end…and ever after the end of him.

I just wish I knew how to tell Malfoy I was sorry for what I said, but without actually being sorry for what happened.

Eventually, I decided, after Potions, I would speak with him…or try. So, there I sat in Potions, not particularly watching anything or doing what I was supposed to throughout the entire class.

You may wonder why Snape is teaching us again. I, myself, wondered for quite a while as well. He was responsible for the death of Dumbledore, when, of course, Malfoy didn't do it, but that's a story for another time. The question is how could they let him teach us again?

Easy. It was proven that he had acted under orders…or something… (You see, this is what I've been told by members of the order and, obviously, they don't tell me much, so there you have it; "He acted under orders") I do not LIKE him. I do not TRUST him. I do not LISTEN to him, but he is my teacher, so usually to pass the class, the latter is quite important. I just accept that he's there and I can not change that.

At the sound of the bell, I graciously accepted the zero for today's class that I was given, simply because I didn't care what went wrong with my potion. As I've mentioned, it didn't matter at the time being.

Being that Potions was my last class of the day on Fridays, I ran as fast as I could to catch up with Malfoy. Ron and Hermione gave me looks, but I waved them off in the other direction, making up something about needing to speak with Snape.

"Snape's in the classroom…" I heard Ron mutter, but following Hermione to the Common Room anyway.

It was almost like Malfoy knew I was following him because the closer I got to him, the faster he seemed to walk. I had to keep running to keep up with him and his friends, who, by the way, didn't seem fussed by his fast walking.

"Malfoy," I yelled out, he turned so quickly, I tripped and fell at his feet. He sighed, almost condescendingly.

"Now, I know you're not the smartest creature, Potter, but I really thought you had the walking thing down straight." He said shaking his head.

His friends laughed, of course, and thankfully, they were pretty much the only ones there. Everyone else had gone back to their Common Rooms or were simply out of the Hallways.

Malfoy, though, was not done. "Is there a reason you're stalking me?" He threw his hands in the air. "Because…forgive me, I don't remember asking you to come with me."

He crossed his arms over his chests and Pansy sighed, "I have a lot of work to get done, Draco…I'm so sorry." She, once again, sighed dramatically. "I'll wait for you to get back, yes?"

Draco nodded, obviously he didn't notice…or just didn't care about the affection Pansy Parkinson, so obviously through at him. There was one thing I could say right now about Malfoy: He absolutely controlled his friends.

"Well, go with her!" he said to Crabbe and Goyle, as though it should have been obvious. It looked like they were just waiting for the signal because the second he said it, they were gone.

"What do you want?" he asked irritated.

"To…apologize." I said slowly. This wasn't going the way I had planned. Oh, who the hell was I kidding? I never had a plan!

"Apologize?" he repeated. "That so?"

"Y-yes." I had no idea where this…fear came from. Malfoy was someone I had always hated, of course, but fear? No.

He laughed. I wasn't sure if he actually found this situation humorous or…if he simply could not find a better emotion to express.

"Well, you haven't yet, have you? You're absolutely wasting my time, so…"

"I'm sorry, okay? It was…not right to say that…I suppose." I was slowly drowning, really. The words weren't flowing out right and I just didn't know what to say.

"Why?" he asked perplexed. Somehow during my…er…apology, he had inconspicuously slid down the wall, so that he was sitting again it.

"Why the hell are you sorry, Potter, hmm? What, did you…did you kill them?"

That was exactly what I was afraid of.

"I'm not sorry they're dead…I'm sorry that I said…what I did. I'm sorry I said they didn't love you."

He rolled his eyes and stood up again. "I believe the ever famous line was that your parents loved you. It wasn't, 'Damnit, Malfoy, your parents hate you.' Why are you apologizing, Potter? You're really making NO sense. I suppose this is your way of being the "good boy". Am I right?"

"Look, what you said…about my friends…it bothered me."

"Just in case you missed the point, Potter, it was SUPPOSED to."

"Well, that's why I said it and I'm sorry…so, I don't have to feel bad about it anymore because I admitted I was wrong. My conscious is clear." Although, I said it, I didn't feel it. I felt…wrong, still. He seemed to realize what I was thinking because his eyebrows flew further into his hair.

"Then, why…are you still here," he questioned.

"You're…you're unbearable!" I screamed. My god, he was killing me. All I wanted to do was be the… It was just like he said…I didn't care about what I said. I only cared that it made me feel wrong and I wasn't SUPPOSED to feel wrong because I was…good?

My stomach sunk lower still. "I'm not sorry." I said aloud and, damn, did it feel good.

He nodded, "Thought so, now, will you leave?"

"Why the hell don't you?" I said back in equal irritation.

He rolled his eyes skyward, once again, "Because, Potter, your Common Room is in that" he pointed behind my head, "direction." And he began to walk away.

"Wait!" I shouted.

He didn't even turn around.

I didn't care that I looked stupid. I didn't care that I was doing it without reason. I followed him. He must have realized because a second later, he turned around and pushed me to the ground.

I only fell, really, because of the shock. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn't have been able to use his frail fingered hands to push me down.

"What do you want!" he screamed. He didn't even give me a second to respond. "First, you come here and give me some crap about wanting to give me an apology. That spectacular apology basically ended with the words, 'I'm not sorry'. And now…here I am, pleasantly pointing you in the direction of your OWN Common Room, and you're following me. Why? Why!"

I didn't, exactly, know why he was screaming so loudly. All I knew, was that a few more minutes of this would get us into serious trouble. I was going to tell him so when I realized…the hysterical screaming was causing his eyes to water and… Draco Malfoy was about to cry.

If I wasn't so shocked, I would have laughed. Of course, I saw him cry once before; last year in the bathroom with Moaning Myrtle, but…not like this. This was serious. It was almost like he was… I really didn't get to finish my though, for he was screaming again and pushed me down as soon as I stood up.

"Did you want to see how far you could push me until my anger started? Or, perhaps, you just wanted to remind me that I'm not worth the air that I breathe! I don't care what anybody says about your modest and humble attitude, Potter. I know better. You may be the Wizarding World hero, but you're still nothing but Potter to me!"

I didn't answer him. How could I answer such passionate questions. Obviously, he wasn't expecting answers, anyway because he began to speak again; this time, in a much quieter voice.

"Don't…don't give me any of your 'I know how it feels' stuff. Because you don't. You don't know, Potter." He rolled his eyes in exasperation. "What you've felt…is nothing." Before I realized it, he had been screaming again. And, apparently, I wasn't the only one just noticing.

"Potter, Malfoy, what ARE you doing out here at a time of night like this!" I turned slowly around to face my professor.

"Professor McGonagall…we were just…just talking." I said softly.

She raised one eyebrow in an elegant sort of way and almost smirked, "Indeed? Well, I'm sure the rest of the school did not need to hear this conversation…understand? It is past curfew and, therefore, I suggest you carry on with this conversation tomorrow night in detention."

Malfoy didn't even bother to disguise his groan. "I will inform you of your task and time after transfiguration tomorrow. Be on your way now."

Honestly, this guilt must be getting to me because I see this entire thing as my fault.

I wanted to tell him so. I sighed, "Malfoy,"

"Leave it. I hate detention." And without another word, he was gone.

I almost laughed on my way back to the Common Room muttering, "Oh, really? Because I LOVE it."


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: Once again, I am very disappointed with my reviews… :( Please, make me happy :) I don't want to be wasting my time here, right?

"Harry James Potter, where were you last night?" Hermione interrogated as soon as I came down to the Common Room.

I rolled my eyes. I have detention. I STILL feel incredibly guilty, considering my apology didn't exactly work. And now, I have to deal with Hermione Granger; private investigator.

"I've already received my awaiting punishment, Hermione. I have detention tonight with Draco Malfoy. Could you just….leave it?" I begged.

Hermione's eyes softened and she sighed. "Harry, you had a rough summer. I understand, but this guilt…this guilt you've been feeling for Malfoy. It's not taking you anywhere. You did nothing wrong."

"Hermione," I did not need therapy at the moment. I really couldn't take it. "Don't start, okay? I was cruel to him…it's stupid, I realize, to feel bad for someone who has made my life miserable, but I was cruel and stupid. I freaked out and…here's the thing, why do I want him to forgive me for what I said? It's not like afterwards, I want a friendship. Why does it matter?" I wondered aloud.

I knew I was giving Hermione fuel for the fire. She could easily turn this into some mental disorder of mine if she wanted to. She tilted her head to one side, thinking. She put her hand on my shoulder and smiled slightly.

"Harry, you are wonderful." I laughed. "Wait, listen," she started again, "You are amazing and what you did for the Wizarding World…you will never be forgotten, you understand? Destroying all the Horcruxes and Voldemort in one summer…well, of course, the duration was a little longer than that, but my point is that you are wonderful for all this. Maybe…this guilt is directed at Malfoy because it's…well, you feel it's your responsibility for what happened to his parents. Could that be it?" she wondered.

I shook my head. "Hermione…I--I don't care what Malfoy thinks of me, at least, not really. I just…okay, as horrible as this may sound, I want to prove to him that I'm not happy about what happened because I'm not like him. I need to prove to him that I am not like him."

Hermione wasn't convinced, though. "Harry, come on, you know that's not it. I mean, Draco Malfoy doesn't need you to insist that you're not like him. He would be insulted if you believed you two were even remotely similar." She sighed slowly. "I would really like to know what is going on in your head, Harry. I would really like to be of some assistance"

"But, you can't." I said without a moment's hesitation. "You can't because this is something I need to figure out on my own. I am…feeling guilty. Not for this; I did not kill his parents, even if I am the reason they're dead, I do not feel guilty for that. Hermione, my main problem here is that I can say to you straight out that I hate Malfoy…and I do not care if he hates me, but he can't for this. He can't hate me unless he's hating what I really am. I will not have Malfoy hating me because I was cruel to him….cruelty is his game, not mine."

With that said, I felt extremely satisfied. Although, I was still confused.

"Harry, I…I know this isn't relevant…but, I kind of overheard Seamus talking and my emotions got the best of me." I had no idea what she was talking about and it must have shown because she quickly went on. "You are going to go with Seamus next weekend to Hogsmeade. As a date."

"Hermione! I…I can't do that! Seamus…wait, Seamus…since when does he…?" I was beyond confused. I couldn't go on a date with Seamus. It would be…beyond weird. Okay, I liked Seamus. He was alright…as a friend, and he wasn't awful to be seen with on a date; absolutely not. But…I'd known him so long as a boy who slept in my dormitory! And…besides that, how could she do this behind my back?

"I'm sorry, Harry, but the opportunity was there and I decided to take it. I hope you're not angry," she said softly.

I sighed. "No, not really, but please, Hermione, don't do this again. Not without my permission….can we agree on that?"

She nodded quickly. "Of course, but…this could be good for you, you know? Your first date with a guy. At least it's someone you can…most likely, trust, right?"

I had to admit she was right. I mean, it was better than thinking of my first….real date be with some stranger. Besides, if the date didn't go well, I would just tell Seamus that friendship is all I want with him. Done. Over. Easy. And, hey, I had an entire week to prepare for it. It would be fine.

Transfiguration was killer. The coming detention seemed to have brought Malfoy back to his old self and he was glaring at me at every chance he got. Seamus, my partner on the assignment that I was desperately trying to concentrate on, was barely even looking at even the whole class; which was weird, considering he usually never was without a word for me.

At the end of the day, five in the evening, to be exact, I headed down to McGonagall's classroom for my detention. I had to say I was more than a bit apprehensive. I hoped she didn't keep us for so long because I had plenty of work to get done and still hadn't arranged all the things that went along with Quidditch.

Thankfully, she was not going to be sitting with us during detention. We were given several tasks that had to be done, and once they were, we were, we would wait for her to come back and tell us that we were free to go.

When I arrived, I saw that Malfoy was already there leaning on the door. "Took you long enough, Potter. I was not going to start without you." He said softly and turned to walk into the room. I followed him.

"She's left already?" I asked confused.

He raised an eyebrow and pretended to search the room. "Isn't it obvious?"

I rolled my eyes, definitely not in the mood for his sarcasm. "Well….let's get started, then."

We had decided that I would be doing the alphabetizing, while he was doing the filing. Easy enough, I figured.

We had been there nearly an hour before I decided to speak up. "It's really warm in here." Okay, maybe not the most interesting of topics, but it was way too quiet, really. I had to break the tension.

He looked up from the drawer he was currently working in, and rolled his eyes, "I noticed. Thank you for the update."

I sighed, "Malfoy…I was trying to make conversation. It was too quiet."

He laughed bitterly, "Well, did you think maybe, just maybe, I wanted it that way."

"You know…why do I even bother?" I said, giving up.

"I was going to ask you the same question. Look, we can have pointless bickering or we can be silent. I prefer the silence."

"Well, it seems we really can't agree on anything at all because I would actually prefer the bickering."

He laughed and put down his papers. "This is pathetic. You want to get out of here, don't you? Less talk: more work."

"That's the problem with you, Malfoy. You're always worried about getting it done. Can't you just….make the most of it and have fun while it's being done."

"Fun? With you?" He asked skeptically. "Fat chance."

"Okay," I agreed, "not fun, but at least, tolerance. Can you deal with that?"

He tilted his head and frowned for a moment before perking up. "Alright, Potter, I'll tolerate your presence if you tolerate my silence. Deal?"

"No deal." I put down the book I was trying to shove onto the shelf. I really was getting no where with it anyway.

"Then, no, I can't tolerate you. Look, this is stupid and idiotic. Just get back to work."

"No," I decided to rephrase my earlier words, "it's not that you don't like fun, you just don't understand it." I laughed softly. I couldn't seem to concentrate on my tasks. This was just too amusing.

I finally got a reaction from him. He got up from the filing cabinet, crossed over to front of the teacher's desk and sat down on top; knocking over dozens of papers while doing so. "What, exactly, do you mean I don't "understand" it? What's to understand? You do something amusing or…"fun" and there you go!" He yelled.

I laughed once again. "Malfoy, that is one of the worst responses…here, you wanted to get back to work, so let's do it."

"I am not touching another piece of paper until you tell me that I do, indeed, understand the word 'fun'".

I rolled my eyes. Honestly, "Oh, yes, great one, you have so much fun…you don't even know what to do with it. In fact, I didn't even know what fun was until I met the slytherins." I said sarcastically.

Apparently, though, the sarcasm wasn't enough for him. Stupid, Malfoy. He actually wanted me to MEAN it. I felt like I was having a conversation with Dudley.

Suddenly, his face became somber. He wasn't kidding around anymore. He rolled his eyes, jumped off the desk and sat down near the filing cabinet. I was almost sad our little "game" was over.

"Malfoy…" I let his name hang into the air. I really didn't think I was going to get a response.

"Just get back to work." He said softly.

Before I knew what was happening, he was talking, yet again, "So, why DID it upset you so much what I said about your friends? I mean…you're Gryffindors…don't you have some…I don't know, "loyalty" thing with each other. Did you honestly think they'd ditch you, or is it…do you have a thing for Granger, Potter?"

He said it all so fast, raising his eyebrow, that it shocked me and I dropped the books I was holding. He laughed, obviously thinking that I proved his point.

"You do? Honestly…Granger?" He seemed to be thinking it over. "Well, I guess I could have guessed."

He just kept right on talking and the shock almost made it too difficult to even defend myself. I shook my head quickly, "No! No, Hermione and I are just friends." I suppressed the urge to make a face at the disgust of having Hermione as my girlfriend. Sure, she was alright…I supposed…as a girl…or a friend, but obviously, that's not my style.

"No," I realized the alphabetizing would have to wait. We'd be here for a while anyway. "I do not have a thing for Hermione. In fact, I do not have a "thing" for anyone. Whatever thing means." I muttered. I was suddenly curious in spite of my better judgment.

"Well, anyway, who are you to criticize people's choices anyway? Pansy Parkinson, Malfoy?" I asked sniggering. "I mean, at least I have some decency…some standards."

To my surprise, the two of us ended up laughing together. "Well, Potter, I'll have you know…Pansy is quite the catch. I mean, I hear she and Goyle are a big thing now."

My eyes widened. "Weren't you dating her?" I was positively confused now.

He sighed and then began to speak slowly. "You see, Slytherins don't date for love of any of that stuff like you Gryffindors. It's all about…" He sighed again.

The two of us had all but abandoned what we were supposed to be doing and were now sitting (as far apart as possible) in the middle of the room; with me laying on the floor and him sitting on the desk swinging his legs. It seemed to be his thinking technique; swinging his legs, I mean.

"Slytherins date for power…or for money," he laughed, "or more money. It's hard to explain, Potter, and quite frankly, I really don't want to."

"Well, I'd rather not go back to work, so…we can talk about something else, I guess."

He raised an eyebrow, "Indeed? Well, the floor is all yours, Potter." He said jumping down to the floor.

"Well, I really didn't have anything in mind. Every topic I can think of is a problem in some way…"

"Yes, well, two sworn enemies normally don't have much to talk about, hmm?" he said softly.

"Yes, Malfoy, as strange as it sounds, I've been dreading this detention and it's not going…well…as bad as I thought."

Malfoy laughed, another genuine laugh that I was surprised was done in my presence. "Well, I would just love for you to admit something like THAT to Weasley. More important, I'd love to see it."

"Very funny. The day I pledge my loyalty to the Death Eaters, I promise, I'll tell Ron I sort of enjoyed this detention."

I noticed he suddenly looked a bit tense. "Sorry, I guess that wasn't a good thing to bring up. See what I mean, I can't say anything to you without it being bad."

He shook his head, "No, I'd actually…never mind." He finished. He seemed to be extremely confused about what he wanted to say and more confused about what he wanted to feel.

I decided to leave him alone. Maybe it was better in silence. I was shocked when I heard him speak again.

"Out of curiosity, how'd you feel?" It scared me. The absolute sincerity in his voice. It was a tone I had never heard him use, not to me, not to anybody before. I looked into his eyes for a moment trying to understand. I failed.

"Wh—what'd you mean?" I stammered confusedly.

He rolled his eyes. "Look, this—this isn't me. I don't ask for advice or opinions, especially from people like you, so when I ask…it's because…it's because I want to know. Don't…don't be condescending"

"I'm not. I just have no idea what you're on about…"

"When your parents died, you idiot!" He yelled losing his patience. "I don't get it, so…so tell me how you felt…please," he paused trying to calm himself down, "please tell me how you felt."

I really had no idea what to say to that. Malfoy was showing me such obvious vulnerability and I had many choices of how to respond to that. I was extremely confused. He'd lost his parents, but he couldn't know how to feel unless he knew how I felt about mine? It didn't make much sense, but I was willing to try.

"I don't…I don't remember it, Malfoy. I was so young and"

"Then, tell me," I noticed he had stood up and was walking around the large classroom slowly, "how it felt when your Godfather died."

I was shocked. At first, I was shocked that he had said it so bluntly. Then, I wondered…

"How did you know about that?" I asked softly.

He smiled. It was a sad smile, but a smile still. "You forget who my relatives are, Potter."

"Well, I guess…" I had actually never been asked this question before. People had wondered, I'm sure, and they had tried to make me feel better, but they'd never questioned how it had felt in the first place.

"I guess I felt angry. I felt angry because someone would do that to him. I felt upset because this person was very important to me and…" I stopped for a moment. I was basically giving him information to haunt me with for the rest of my life. He could tell anyone he wanted what I was telling him here…but somehow…I knew he wouldn't. And…for some reason, if he did, I felt I didn't care.

"Mostly, I felt empty. I had given this man basically my whole heart. I had told him everything, really, that ever…hurt me…and he was the closest thing I had to a parent. So, when he died, I felt he took me with him."

I didn't know what I expected him to say. But, I waited for something, and there wasn't anything said.

After a moment, he shook his head, "I understand the anger. I don't understand why you gave your heart away. I mean, look at it like this, you give someone EVERYTHING, in some way or another, and they have enough licenses to destroy you."

"Yeah, I guess…so, what are you saying? I should just never trust anyone. They're either going to betray or die on me?" I asked slowly. Sadly, I had also had this thought on countless occasions. It really annoyed me that I had to tell him not to feel the way I had always felt as well.

"People screw you over. They want you for your money, your power, your status, etc. There is no one on this earth who would claim that their own happiness means nothing to them. They can claim all they want, but for it actually to be true…never happens, trust me." He stated calmly. The strange thing is, the more he talked, the more I realized he had a lot of good points here and there. I hated realizing it, though, because it meant I had to give up hope on a lot of things I dared to believe in.

"Malfoy, my mother…she gave her life for me. She died for me. Does that not constitute her love?" I questioned him.

"Look at how crappy life can be! Some people commit suicide because they hate the thought of living another day. They hate it so much that death actually sounds promising. So, for your mother to give up her crappy life…so that you could live one…" He stopped his pacing and finally sat back down, "that isn't the most amazing act of love one can show, in my opinion."

We sat in silence for a few moments. Not because we particularly didn't want to speak because I really did. The problem was…there was no response I had. Was he suggesting my parents didn't love me or was he simply saying life and love are useless?

Before I knew it, he was speaking again. "I don't know why, Potter, I am telling you this, but it seems…easier to plant this horribleness on someone who has…understood it too."

"Well, maybe I don't want to hear your problems!" I yelled before I could stop myself. I just didn't need him thinking I cared. I didn't need him thinking he could ask for help, I'd give it, and then the next day he'd be back to torturing me. I didn't need that. I didn't want that. And, damnit, I wasn't going to let myself get that.

"Well, you know you will, Potter. You can choose to listen, to help, hell, you can choose to run around with books covering your ears to drown out my sound, but I'm going to talk. I'm going to say what I need to because…because I need to."

I looked into his eyes. His eyes that were so clearly denying the words he spoke. He did care if I listened. I could see it was important to him that I listened. So, I decided, I would. Slowly, I nodded, and he nodded back. It was that one moment of agreement that said it all. He was trusting me. As he put it, he was "giving licenses to destroy" him. And I had the choice not to.

"Have you ever heard the words 'I love you'? Of course. Everyone has heard them. Whether it be from friends, family, or books. You know they are out there, directed at you or not, they are still out there. So, how come when you speak of love, you say true love. What's the difference between love and true love. What…is their a fake love? Do you say to someone, 'I love you, but not truly,'? Of course you don't! It is just meant to mean true love."

He paused for a while. To be honest, I wasn't sure what the hell he was on about, but I knew I was preparing myself for a speech. I tried to understand him, really, I did.

"Telling someone that you love them…or not even saying it, just feeling it, is giving them your complete self. You are now vulnerable. They are the one with the power. Do you understand? If they never say it back, they control you. If they do say it back…they could be lying to make you happy or to not hurt you. There are so many problems with this theory of love. It's…"

He seemed to be thinking of exactly what was wrong with love. He seemed to be searching for the words inside his mind and I waited patiently for it. I had never expected such truth…such powerful and honest words coming from a boy like Malfoy. He may not have a heart, but at least I know he has a brain.

"Well, it's stupid. That's all I'm going to say. I mean, if it's so easy to "fall", then why is it so hard for people to express their love? If it's such a great feeling, then why is their so much misery? If it's true…then…why doesn't it last forever? If it's such a powerful and amazing feeling…how can you describe it in one word. Love. When you think about it, it's picked up a lot of hype for a four letter word, hmm? I just…if it's so powerful, and so…true…I hate that word 'true'. Truth implies honesty and…if it's true love…how come lovers lie…hmm? As I was saying, if it is so powerful and true…why doesn't everyone feel it. There are some people…like your present company, that have never, and will never feel it. Does that make them…bad? Or does it just make them honest….for they have never spoken untrue words. Saying you love someone is never true, so I think people like me…are just doing everyone a favor by never telling a lie."

I didn't speak a word. I didn't move a muscle. How can one respond to such…words? I couldn't. I shouldn't. I blinked rapidly for a few minutes and, then realized, that wasn't accomplishing much. I said the first thing that came to my mind.

"I—I really am finished with my tasks. I—I hope she returns soon." I said softly and turned my back on him.

I think a part of him realized I wasn't going to say a word for or against his speech and I'm not sure he wanted me to either.

"Did you…did someone ever tell you a lie?" he asked quietly.

I turned so fast that I was surprised my head was still attached to my body. Speaking to him now suddenly made me feel…wrong. He was so…not himself. "Of—of course. Who hasn't been told a lie?"

"But, have you been told "the" lie. Has anyone ever said those words to you. Maybe…your Aunt and Uncle…or your friends,"

"No," I interrupted, "No, I don't think so. I'm sure it's implied that my friends care, but…I don't know. I'm sorry. I don't." I said quickly. I just wanted this conversation to end. I was suddenly the one praying for silence.

He decided to oblige to the unspoken prayer and he, too, turned his back on me to accomplish his set-aside work.

Finally, it seemed to us, we were done and were free to go back to our Common Rooms. I looked down at my watch and saw the time. I was after eight. We had been here a while.

As it was time to walk to our respective rooms, he turned without a word of farewell, as expected. I found myself yearning to know something.

"Hey, Malfoy!" I yelled across the hall.

He turned around swiftly and looked me straight in the eyes with his own showing confusion. "Yeah, Potter?"

"Have you ever been told…"the" lie?"

His face slowly turned into a sad sort of smile, "Who hasn't?"

A/N: There you go! A pretty long chapter there, I'd say. I put a lot of time into writing this one and am trying to give you more before September because I start school then. It would motivate me if I got some reviews! Hint


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Harry, wake up!" I opened my eyes slowly to see a boy with bright red hair staring down at me. "Umm…didn't suppose you wanted to miss class?" he asked softly.

It took me a moment to realize exactly what Ron was saying. "Cl—oh!" I yelled scrambling to get up and change. "Right…because that's what we do on days like these. We go to class!"

Ron watched me run to the bathroom laughing his head off the entire time.

"So, how was detention?" Hermione asked as we were all heading down to Transfiguration.

"Oh…you know, how else would it have been? Malfoy and I stuck in a room together for hours…I'm sure you can imagine!" I said laughing.

"Yeah," Ron agreed, "I felt sorry for you. You didn't even really do anything wrong. I mean, well, I suppose…"

I wasn't really listening at all to whatever Ron had to say, contributing only with a few subtle nods here and there. I was stuck in my own unpleasant thoughts. The truth was that the detention had definitely not gone as expected. Although Malfoy and I weren't entirely enjoying one another's company…it wasn't unpleasant. It really wasn't. That's the part that scares me. Had it been Crabbe or Goyle, I can most honestly say, it would have been worse. And they only act under his orders, so…why was it so easy dealing with him?

I mean, it's not as though he and I had anything in common. I mean…let's start with looks….well, they're just quite different. Personality? Don't even get me started. But, Ron's my best friend and yet, I almost felt more, well, it felt easier to understand Malfoy. Most of all, I felt he understood me; what I was saying was getting through to him. I'd never felt so connected and…

'Who hasn't?' His words from the night before kept revolving through—in and out of my head as I stared at him in class. I noticed that he didn't look my way once. It's funny how I never noticed just how much we stared toward each other in class. Whether it was in anger, spite….jealousy, we always seemed to be looking. I guess you really don't know what you have until it's gone. Damnit, why won't he just LOOK at me? Maybe a glance, and I'd be fine. I thought we were through with this!

"It's obvious how hard you're trying NOT to, so just…do it. Just send a signal; a glance. Just show me you're not absolutely"

"Mr. Potter? Is there…a problem?" I hadn't realized I'd been speaking aloud. Most of the people around my desk were looking, as well as Professor McGonagall.

"N-no, Professor, there's no problems here. I'll stop muttering to myself." I laughed softly just thinking about how stupid that must have sounded.

She nodded and went along with her lesson. I, of course, had no idea what was being learned in said lesson and would certainly need Hermione's help on the homework, if any.

"Now, being that tomorrow is Saturday and there is no class, I do expect you to be working on your essays. They are due Monday! Good luck and have a nice day," she dismissed.

"There was an essay? Hermione, why didn't you tell me?" I sighed as we walked past the Slytherins we had grown so accustomed to. If only I didn't care so much, he wouldn't be bugging me.

"Harry," Hermione sighed exasperated, "even Ron knew there was one. Where have you been? You've been so distracted lately. I just don't know what to do."

"How about you write it?" I asked hopefully.

Ron laughed taking her hand before she decided to hit Harry. "I most certainly will not!" she said outraged at the mere thought.

"Ah, and I have that stupid date tomorrow! Hermione, it's really cramping my schedule, so…"

"You're going." She demanded. "It will be good for you. Trust me."

I sighed, "Fine, but it's the date or the paper."

"It's both." And I agreed. The sad thing is, even I didn't believe my little ultimatum.

When I sat down in the Common room late that night trying to write the paper, I realized…it wasn't going to happen this way. I was way too distracted! Distraction + no research + unwillingness no essay.

I decided I might take a walk. It was only eight in the evening, after all, and I couldn't get in trouble for that. I took my papers, books, quills, and everything I could possibly need for writing and headed out of the Common Room.

If there's one thing I've noticed with Ron and Hermione becoming a "couple", it's that I've found myself alone a lot of the time, not that I'm complaining. I used to wish from time to time, that I'd just be left alone. It was just a weird feeling to not hear, "Harry, if you leave the room, you'll never be able to do satisfactory work!"

I walked slowly through the empty halls feeling somewhat satisfied at the idea of having no one to look at me, bother me, yell at me for unfinished work, tell me th—

"Potter?" Well, so much for that.

I turned quickly around searching for the voice. "Over here, you dolt."

"Malfoy," I said trying to find his current position. When I did, I narrowed my eyes. The boy doesn't acknowledge my presence during class, but here, when all I want to do is be alone, he finds me.

"What are you doing here?" he asked angrily as though I spoiled his fun.

"What do you mean? You're the one sitting at the bottom of the stairs waiting to stare at people passing by." I said throwing my hands in the air.

"That's not why I'm here!" he yelled. "Actually, Potter, I was not trying to follow people. You passed by."

"Well, you should have let me. Maybe I didn't want to be bothered by you."

"Well, maybe I don't care what you want."

"Well, maybe you should!"

"Well, maybe this is a stupid conversation!"

I laughed, "You're right. It is."

He laughed as well, "Well, okay then, that's never stopped us before, has it?" he asked.

"No, I guess not." I said sitting down next to him on the staircase.

He looked down at his shoes and then back up at me. "How can you stand it?" he asked suddenly. Were we back to this? Were we talking about depressing death subjects again?

"Stand what?" I asked.

He smiled slightly, "You hair." He said simply. "It's always a mess."

I was so shocked at the sudden topic; I almost forgot to be offended. Almost.

"Well, you're…" I looked him up and down trying to find something wrong with him. A misplaced hair, a slightly wrinkled shirt, I would even settle for a misshapen nose, but there was nothing; nothing in his appearance that I could question.

"Well, how can you stand having perfect hair, hmm? It must be…annoying." I finished lamely. He laughed.

"Right, Potter. How annoying that my hair always is perfect. Considering, of course, that I make it that way."

"Yeah…well, that makes sense. Umm, I can't stay. I have to…write…that essay for McGonagall, you know? I'm seriously not doing well." I laughed.

He looked down again and then looked straight up, determinedly not looking me in the eyes. "Want help?" he asked.

I raised my eyebrows, "I—I would say no, but I really need it. So, yes, definitely."

He suddenly looked extremely unhappy. Honestly, why would he offer if he didn't want to do it?

"You don't…have to help me, you know?" I said confusedly. "Though, I would appreciate it. You, being like…the smartest in the grade, besides"

"I'll help." He interrupted. "Just don't act like a mental case telling me how thankful you are." He said frustrated and grabbed my books.

"Well, what you want to do…is make sure, of course, that you have the information. You have to make sure you know where to find it, so…where are your notes?" he asked slowly.

I smiled guiltily, "Yeah, about those…I haven't really had Hermione on hand lately."

He smirked at me, "She takes your notes for you, Potter? How pathetic are you?" He laughed.

He did have a point there. I'm a seventeen year old boy who lets his best friend take his notes…or lend her notes. Same thing. I could at least pay attention in class.

He sighed, "Don't move. I'll get mine."

It took us about an hour and a half, but with his help, I felt like I not only finished it in record time, but understood what he was talking about. Considering I almost never understood half the words that come out of McGonagall's mouth, or any teacher for that matter, this was saying something. Draco Malfoy: The Teacher. Who knew?

It was a quarter to ten and we were still sitting silently on the stairs. It's amazing. I don't want to spend time with my best friends, but sitting silently on a staircase close to ten at night is okay. He seemed to understand the meaning of the word "quiet".

Well, sometimes. Normally, all I got to hear from him was constant insulting, but he was kind of nice to sit around with…in complete silence, I mean. As long as he wasn't talking, I'd be fine spending time with him. Which, of course, may sound mean, but we are never particularly nice to each other in the first place. So, my thoughts are allowed to be mean, I'm sure.

"Malfoy," It wasn't so much that I wanted to hear a response. I wasn't even sure what I had to say. I just couldn't believe the fact that he was here; next to me.

"Hmm?" he drawled out.

"I want to talk about yesterday." I stated slowly.

He turned to face me slowly, "Potter, we had detention. You didn't want silence. Therefore, we talked. That's it."

I went on, ignoring his answer. "About what you said, the lie, what did you mean?"

"We are not talking about this, Potter!" He yelled.

"Yelling after curfew. This is exactly where it started, so calm down before we're stuck in detention again."

"Okay, look, I needed some things said. You were conveniently there when I needed to get some things off my chest, okay?" He began to get defensive. And I knew that, as much as he said he didn't, he wanted to talk about it.

I put my hand on his shoulder and he quickly turned to look into my eyes. "I'm convenient now." I said softly, but with confidence.

That's when Draco Malfoy completely lost his composure. One tear fell down and then he couldn't hold back any longer. He fell into my shoulder muttering some unknown words.

I held onto him. With this gesture, I let him know many things. I let him know that this was between us and I would never tell anyone. I let him know that if he never wanted to speak of it again, I wouldn't make him. Last, but definitely not least, the gesture let him know that no matter how many years of complete hatred and ignorance, no matter how we treat each other in class, no matter how different our lives, personalities, and just different we are, I'll never let him down. When something like this happens, I'll be the one to tell him it's NOT okay. I'll be the one to tell him everything's NOT going to be fine. But, he'll know that I'll do the best I can to make it a little better.

After a few minutes of his pointless muttering of, "I'm not crying" into my shoulder and his tears soaking through my shirt, he detached himself from my arms and leaned back against the staircase as he had been earlier.

"I wasn't," he said slowly calming down, "crying. You know?" he asked. I think he was trying to convince himself that he did not just let me see him weak. I nodded my head.

"I know. I know." Even though it was a lie because he definitely was crying, I wasn't cruel enough to shove it in his face.

"Why are you here?" he asked me confusedly.

"I already told you. I had to write my essay and I couldn't concentrate."

"But…your friends were in there, weren't they?"

I turned my head to the side. I didn't really see what they had to do with it… "Yes…?"

"And you left?" He asked again.

"Obviously," I added.

He shook his head as if he was trying to understand. "You like to be alone?" he asked.

"Well, yes…"I said. "Is that a problem?"

"No, it's just…being alone is overrated, don't you think?"

I shook my head. "Obviously, I don't think that. Although, I'm not sure I would know, considering I never am alone." I laughed. "It sort of comes with being famous and, you know, well-loved. I mean, not TRULY loved, I suppose."

He laughed, appreciating how I made that clear that I had understood our conversation from detention. "I mean, how can they love me if they don't know me?" He nodded.

"Exactly, but what I was saying yesterday is a bit different. But, this is a problem too, I suppose because there are many girls who would give you a marriage proposal simply because you saved the world from doom." He chuckled softly. "Well, I suppose that is a big thing, but…she can love you as a hero, but she doesn't even know you. She doesn't know your personality or…what you like to do. She loves what you've done, not who you are."

"Look at you." I said. "You're saying 'she' as though you personally know of a girl who wants to marry me. You're like trying to predict my future wife!" I said.

"Actually, I'm more trying to predict who you aren't going to marry by giving you the negatives. More than likely, Potter, you're going to marry…I don't know," he laughed, "maybe Granger."

"Malfoy, how many times do I have to tell you! Hermione and I are"

"You're just friends! I know I know. Relax, Potter. Besides, she's with Weasel, isn't she? Oh, right…I believe we've had this conversation before. Let's not go into it. Though, why anyone would want to date Weasel is beyond me…or Granger." He added for good measure, of course.

"Malfoy," I shook my head slowly, though I was laughing all the same, "they are my friends, you know."

"Yes, we've been through that as well." He nodded. "Alright, here, let me set you up with a good one, then. I think your type would be more…um…ah, I got it, Lavender Brown. She's a rather…pretty girl, I suppose." He muttered turning back toward the wall.

"Umm, well, yes, I suppose she's pretty. She's not exactly my type. Well, you hate me anyway, I suppose, so what's the harm in losing your…approval that I never had, I usually don't prefer the pretty girl type if you know what I'm saying."

He raised an eyebrow. I rolled my eyes. Honestly, how did a simple raising of the brow manage to look so condescending. "So, you're saying, you prefer girls to be ugly?"

"Oh, you're funny," I said. "I'm gay."

What I'll never understand is this. It took me so long to admit it to myself. It was so difficult admitting it to my friends, but Malfoy? For some reason, I had absolutely no problem telling him. Maybe it was like I said before; I had no approval of his in the first place.

"Well, I suppose you'll have to break the news to all your 'I want to marry Harry Potter' fans." He said laughing

Surprisingly, he didn't seem to be affected by anything. "Malfoy, you—you're unbelievable. And, I mean this in a bad and good way. You make absolutely no sense to me."

"What? Do you want me to be ass? Do you want me to tell you how awful you are to be gay? Do you want me to say 'goddamn you for ever having the nerve to be attracted to your own sex.' I suppose you want me to act like my old self. Well, sorry to disappoint you, but"

"Malfoy! Just shut-up!" I wasn't so much yelling at him because I was angry.

Mainly, I wanted him to stop because I had started to believe that I had hurt his feelings. Uncontrollably, I let out a laugh. Feelings? Are there any in the boy's body?

"Sorry," I muttered.

He nodded. "That's quite alright."

"But…you have admit, this is weird. I mean, what, are we friends now?"

"No," he answered without hesitation.

I expected the answer, but nonetheless, it still sort of hurt.

He sighed, "I don't…I don't have friends. I'm sorry. I just don't."

I felt myself get a little bit angry. I told him something very personal…and I thought we shared, I don't know, something, and he wouldn't even consider us something. Okay, I suppose he's right. Potter and Malfoy suddenly walk down the hallway as friends. No way.

I got up to leave, "I'll see you," I started to walk down the hall.

"No!" He yelled. "Please…I don't want hatred, okay? I want us to be okay with each other. I mean, you were here when I had my little breakdown, I suppose and that's a side of me…no one knows about. So, I could try it. But, around other people, there's silence, okay? Just…silence."

"Because you're embarrassed by me? Look, I don't"

"No, Po…Harry?" He said slowly as though asking permission. I nodded my head acknowledging the change in pace.

"I'm not embarrassed or whatever. If you want to know the truth, I'm scared. I'm not used…Harry, just accept my terms. I'm not a nice person. I won't treat your friends nicely just because you and I are…friends…" He said it as though the word confused him, "but, I'm willing to be tolerant of you. If you can call that a friendship, I'm in." He smiled. He smiled an actual smile that seemed to light up his face.

The moment I saw that smile on his face, I knew he could actually be a good person to have around…for help on my homework, of course!

(((((love))))Harry---   
((((Anger))))Draco


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I realized that having Draco Malfoy as a friend, strange as it seems, did a lot for me. Not only did I have constant help with my homework, (when Hermione tried to help, it usually became pointless lectures on why I shouldn't need said help) but it was easier to walk down the hallway not having to watch my back for hexes or crude comments every which way from the Slytherin end.

It never occurred to me how if Draco Malfoy was quiet, the whole Slytherin house was a lot quieter too. Although there were many good things for me having him as a…well a non-enemy, I couldn't understand what it was possibly doing for him. It's not as though I ever helped him with anything and there was always that tiny little fear of mine that he was befriending me for a reason.

When I thought about it fully, though, with many of the Death Eaters imprisoned, his parents dead, Voldemort gone, who could he be possibly giving any information to. Not to mention, what information could be useful anymore. I barely spoke to my "friend" at all, considering the fact that we didn't yet want anyone to know about our secret and it was hard to find time to inconspicuously converse in class.

One thing was sure, though, no matter what our schedules were, we agreed that Monday nights would be our time to just talk in the Room of Requirement. I suddenly wished that day was Saturday because it might have gotten me out of this date I had with Seamus.

I sighed, as I had finally finished getting ready. "Okay, Harry," I told myself breathing slowly in and out, "you'll be just fine."

Ron patted me on the back, but didn't say anything more. He liked to pretend Seamus and I were just hanging out together because I didn't want to be the third wheel with he and Hermione. To Ron, it wasn't a date at all.

Seamus, apparently feeling to awkward to get changed and ready in the same room as his date, told us I should me him at the Three Broomsticks.

And meet him, I did. For that was where we were. We sat at a table together near the back and didn't say a word to each other until after Madam Rosmerta had taken our order.

"So…" I started awkwardly, "how are things?"

He laughed softly, "I'm here with you. How much better could 'things' get?"

I smiled as I received my butterbeer from Rosmerta. Maybe things wouldn't go so badly after all…

……………………………………………………………………………………….

"Harry!" Hermione yelled as soon as I had stepped through the portrait into the Common Room.

"Uh, hey…" I said slowly.

She rolled her eyes, "Well, you know what I'm waiting for! How did it go?" she said excitedly.

"Ron, maybe…maybe you want to head up to out dorm?" I suggested.

"Thinking the same thing myself, mate." He turned to Hermione, kissing her on the cheek, "Spare me the details, love. I'll see you later."

"Aright, he's gone…so…tell me!"

I smiled. "I had a great time. I really did." And this was the truth. I really did have a nice time with Seamus. It seemed much different than all our earlier times together.

"So, you're going to see him again?" She seemed positively giddy.

I shook my head, "It'll be just friends for us. I believe I made that clear. I do hope I didn't hurt his feelings."

Hermione looked shocked, "But, Harry, he's liked you for so long. He told me so himself, why…I thought you said you had a great time."

"I did, Hermione, but Seamus really isn't what I'm looking for. I'm sorry to you and to him. I had a great time and I think he and I could be better friends than we ever were, but he's just not what I want in a bo—boyfriend."

She sighed and put her hand gently on my shoulder. "Harry," she laughed, "You mustn't be so picky. If you let Seamus slip away, it's going to very hard to find a boy in this school to go out with."

I pulled her hand off of my shoulder, "Of course it is, Hermione." I said angrily getting up. "Everything is going to be harder this way, okay? But, I'll deal with that."

I started walking up the stairs to my dormitory, "And I know you're just trying to help, but I don't really want it. I'm sorry."

…………………………………………………………………………………………

"Well, you should have told her it's not really her business, is it?"

"I did. I still feel bad about it, though. Maybe I shouldn't have said I didn't want a relationship. Maybe she's right."

"Nah," sighed Draco, "if it didn't feel right, it probably wasn't. Anyway, you know my opinions on it."

Draco and I were having our annual Monday meeting and I had been telling him all about my experience with Seamus and he listened rather well. It was becoming extremely easy to talk to him. Once I started the conversation, I just kept going on and on. He didn't seem to mind, though, which reminded me of my previous thoughts.

"Draco," I let his name ring out in the air. It was really the first time I had used it.

"Hmm?" He didn't seem to have really noticed…or cared.

"Why are you doing this? I mean this friendship thing we've discovered."

"Because you suggested it," he said simply, turning away once again.

I got up from my position on the couch and sat next to him on the floor. Honestly, why anyone would willingly sit on the floor is beyond me. I assumed it had something to do with being close to me. He didn't seem to like nearness.

"But you could have said no," I tried reasoning with him.

"You didn't want me to and besides, hating you doesn't get me anywhere anymore."

I frowned, confused, "Well, neither does friendship. There's really—"

"You listen." He said in that voice that clearly stated, 'don't interrupt me'. "You listen to me."

I laughed, "Draco, I'm the only one who ever says anything. How can I listen to what you do not say?"

I immediately stopped laughing when I realized he wasn't. I frowned again putting my hand on his shoulder, "Are you okay?" I asked.

He shook his head and stood up, "I don't know." He answered honestly. "I want to be, but this…it's so different. I just…I want to be friends with you. I do. It's just…why do you want to be friends with me? After all the things that I've done to you and your friends, how can you just forget it all."

"Draco," I put my arms out and he fell into them. I laughed again. "Draco, you've become quite the sap." I said slowly rubbing his back. "Everything in the past doesn't matter. You and I…we're friends, okay? Just relax." I said.

There was something about this gesture. Something about hugging him, soothing him, trying to make him feel better that made me feel worse. The feeling that went through me with him being so close was…unmistakably attraction. Which is, something I've never really felt.

I pulled away from him, taking his hand and pulling him down onto the couch, so that he could sit next to me. He put his head in his hands, apparently noticing the slight humor in the situation of Harry comforting the person who was apologizing for all the wrongs done.

"Harry?" He asked calmly as the new sound of that name coming out of his mouth. It was new. It was scary and wrong. So wrong, yet soooo right.

"Yes, Draco?" I had to say it.

"Thank you." I had no idea what he was thanking me for. I had no idea what he was talking about or what I'd done particularly to help him. Even though I had no idea what I was being thanked for…

"You're welcome," was all I said.

"I—I think I have to go." Draco said after a few minutes and got up to leave.

I looked at him questioningly. "Well, you know, they'll start to wonder where I am. Before I go, though, you never answered me question and…why do you desire a friendship with me?"

Was it the attraction? No, of course not, I only just realized it was there. It took me a minute, but I finally remembered something.

"When I was trying to apologize to you at the very beginning of term, you said something to me. You…you said that, although I'm the world hero, I'm still nothing to you."

Draco had somehow arrived outside the doorway and I was inches from it; inches from him.

"And this made you decide 'oh, wow, he must really want to be friends'?"

I laughed, "Not exactly. And, back then, it meant nothing, but now I'm starting to realize that no one has ever understood that before."

He was getting closer. "What? That you want them to consider you as 'nothing' to them?"

Closer now. "No…just that…although, I'm a world hero, that doesn't change the way you think about me. Everyone else treats me as 'The boy who lived' or 'The chosen One', but to you, I'm Harry Potter: former enemy, current friend."

He was so close I could feel his breath against my face as he spoke. "Yeah…I guess I know you're say—"

Before I knew what was happening, my lips were against his. I put my hands around his waist pulling his body up against mine. His arms had been thrown around my neck, holding on for dear life. It was the most amazing thing I had ever felt in my entire seventeen years of living.

As soon as the moment was there, it was gone. He moved his hands down to my chest and then pushed me away from him.

"Harry," he said breathlessly, "I'll see you later…I guess. No, tomorrow…in class. Yeah, that." He said quickly. "Bye"

By the time I blinked, he was out of sight. I sighed, "Don't get caught, Draco." I covered myself in the invisibility cloak walking out the door. I let it shut quietly behind me.

I touched my fingers tentatively to my lips and let out a deep breath that I had no idea I was holding. "What does this mean?" I asked to the empty hallway.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"Harry, what is going on?"

Harry sighed, "Hermione, nothing is going on. I just went to the Room of Requirement."

"And why…?"

"I just needed to relax. Hermione, we can keep talking, but we'll be late for class."

Without another word, the girl was out the door. Ron laughed.

"You are okay, mate? Yeah?" he obviously agreed that there was something odd going on.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I'm just thinking."

…………………………………………………………………………………………

After my last class of the day was over, I decided to follow Draco to get more information out of the boy. The hard part wasn't finding him, but finding a way to get to him without my friends wondering what the hell I was doing…or thinking. I wouldn't really be able to explain considering I haven't quite figured that out yet myself.

When my friends decided they were going to head back to the Common Room to get some work done, they asked if I were coming with them. I told them that I wanted another chance to be alone in the Room of Requirement.

Hermione expressed her inevitable worries, but after Ron hauled her off with him, I had no worries about her coming back to get me. Although, she could be quite persistent.

"Draco!"

Silence.

"Draco!"

More unnerving silence.

"Draaaaaco!" I yelled out.

"We're in the hallway Potter, for Merlin's sake!

"Well," I said, more calmly since I had gotten him to turn around. I noticed he was never with his friends these days. "I wanted to talk to you."

He raised an eyebrow, "About?"

"Isn't it obvious?" I waited for his response and, when he still looked confused, I whispered, "The kiss?"

"Kiss?" He repeated.

"Yes, you know…what happened yesterday."

"Oh…that." He said as though he were finally seeing the light.

"Yes, that…can we talk about it, please?" He started walking again.

"No, Draco, please…" I begged. "Stop. Just talk to me." I put my hand on his arm and slowly turned him around. He shook my hand away.

"There is nothing to talk about. Nothing happened, okay?" I assumed that meant it was final.

"Okay, then can we still be friends?" I asked hopefully.

"Why not? As I said, nothing happened, Harry. I'll see you Monday…and we should think about making it more than once a week, if possible."

……………………………………………………………………………………..

Monday came quite a lot faster than I'd anticipated, but I was definitely looking forward to it. I needed to get Draco to see reason. I didn't know how exactly I felt about him, but I knew that, if his kiss was any confirmation, we could have something good.

I told Ron and Hermione that I needed some more alone time in the Room of Requirement and Hermione understood. Ron, however, wanted me around.

"Ronald, he needs his time. He's very upset about the things that happened last year!" And she let me go. I didn't even bother to tell her that I was pretty okay about it because that would pose too many unwanted questions anyway.

When I walked in, Draco was lying on the ground reading, (as always). When he spotted me, he smiled slightly, "Hey."

"Hi….Draco, I want to talk to you." I sighed, putting my bag down next to me. "It's not about my homework, as you probably can tell." I took a deep breath, "In the past two weeks…in that small amount of time, you have become like a good friend of mine. Like, seriously. And I don't want to ruin what we have, okay?"

After that, extremely touching, in my opinion, speech, he simply rolled his eyes and laughed, "Harry, we're fine. So, Herbology?"

I sighed, "Yes, herbology."

After an hour or two had passed, and all our work had been finished, I decided we could just sit and talk for a while. (Although that may have not been such a good idea because every time we talked, it turned into something bad)

"Harry, why do you always like to be alone?" he asked.

"Umm, I don't know. I suppose I just have the attention focused on me all day. It's nice to be alone."

"I'm always alone. I like having you around." He said, shyly.

"Surprisingly, I'd rather sit here with you than with Ron and Hermione. Actually, maybe that's not so surprising. I really like you, Draco."

"I really like you too…."

I knew he didn't want to, but the tension was killing me. I had to kiss him. His lips were practically BEGGING for it.

"Harry," he whispered, when I got close enough to feel his breath. "This….we can do this, but…that's what it is, okay? There's no telling anyone or seeing each other in public. Do you really want to kiss me and see me only once a week."

"Yes, that's what I want. I mean, if that's how it has to be. It's better than nothing."

"Just remember that, Harry. I tried to warn you."

There were no more words because there needed no explanations after our mouths found each other. They were conversing in the only way our lips knew how. The moment was, once again, broken by an unexpected interference.

"I—I came to tell you it was getting late…" came Hermione's shocked voice from outside the doorway.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

A/N: I know that this chapter isn't totally and completely as eventful as you probably would have liked, but it's necessary for later chapters. Don't worry, I know where it's going. Read and review! Enjoy :)

We're screwed. "Oh—Hermione, umm…well, you see,"

"I have to go," Draco whispered, rushing past Hermione.

"I don't think so," Ron pushed him back into the room.

"Let him go, Ron. Now." I demanded. Ron gave him an angered look before letting Malfoy walk past him.

Draco scurried off without a second glance. I wished he had stayed.

Hermione pushed herself past me and threw herself down onto the couch. "Well, you've got a lot of explaining to do, Harry, so I suggest you get started.

Ron, who was either angry at the same reasons Hermione was or simply too grossed out by the idea of two males kissing, chose to remain silent at Hermione's side.

I, too, remained silent. They saw what happened. What could I possibly need to explain to them? Attraction? What it's like to kiss? I mean, this is all stuff they knew…well, considering they were dating, (and attached at the hip) I hope they knew.

I cleared my throat, "Draco and I…"

"Oh," Ron said, finally speaking up, "so now it's Draco?"

I sighed, this was clearly going to take a while. "I'm not sure what, exactly, we are doing, but it is definitely more than a friendship."

"Harry," Hermione tried her reasoning with me, "What I don't understand is when their even was the slightest inkling of a friendship with him…now all of a sudden, there's what…love?"

"No," I said confidently, "No, that's…that's not it. You don't get it! You don't get him."

Hermione laughed, "No, you're right. I don't. How am I supposed to get him? How am I supposed to understand what you're doing, Harry. You've got to understand."

"No, you've got to understand! You try to tell me when I'm right, when I'm wrong, when I'm confused, when I'm unhappy, when I need time alone, but did you ever think that maybe it could be possible that I just might have my own opinions on what I think I need and want to do! You think you know me so well, Hermione, but you don't. I was gone every Monday seeing him, well not that it's been too many Mondays, but the point is, you didn't know, Hermione. For once in your life, you.don't.know."

I felt quite satisfied with my speech. I felt I had gotten my point across quite well. I was so happy that I had finally gotten that off my chest. That was until…I saw Hermione with tears in her eyes. Oh, perfect.

"Well, did it occur to you that all I keep trying to do is understand you, Harry? You never let me in."

Hermione left the room with said tears cascading down her cheeks. Ron dutifully followed, but not before he threw a dirty look my way. "I hope you're quite happy now, Harry."

Why is it every time I feel happy, I have to feel bad about this happiness? There can't be a single moment where I'm completely content. And if I were, no one really would care. When you think about it, would they write an article, "Today Harry Potter is happy for the first time throughout his entire life!" No one would read that. They'd sell nothing. Go figure.

Now, I have a choice, do I relish this happiness and ignore Hermione's sadness, or do I spend my time trying to apologize? What do you think?

I sighed, "Here goes nothing."

When I arrived at the Common Room, I found Ron sitting on the couch obviously waiting for me. I tried to walk past him. 'I'll do this tomorrow.' Too late.

"Excuse me? What the hell is your problem, Harry?"

"Look, I'm sorry about hurting her. I'll fix it. I…"

"That is NOT what this is about. I believe there's the little matter of you kissing our worst enemy. Maybe that's a little problem."

"Ron, you're not me. You can't understand my feelings. All I'm asking of you is that you stop trying to. Okay? Draco…" I couldn't pinpoint exactly what my feelings were toward Draco. Were we together? Were we friends? He had said, 'This is all', what did that even mean? I was really confused, but I decided that one thing was certain, "He means something to me. And you both will just have to accept that, alright?"

Ron sighed, "I have been doing way too much accepting lately," He turned to walk away.

"No, Ron, stop it!"

"Harry, this is way too much for me. At least, for now. I'm not mad, I'm just…quite frankly, I'm questioning your sanity. Come up to bed whenever you feel like it. Good-night."

"Good-night, Ron,"

……………………………………………………………………………………………

The next day I had to find Draco. He was my only concern at that moment. Now, if he were ever in a visible place. 'Where would Draco be?' Probably…

I decided to look in the Potions room and, sure enough, Draco was there. He was sitting alone as usual, concentration on what he was doing.

"Hey," I whispered coming to sit next to him. He didn't reply.

"Look, I'm really sorry about-- "

"It's not your fault," One thing I noticed about Draco, he never quite let people finish.

"But Draco, I promise I'll never let it happen again."

"Harry," he started walking over to the front desk to grab some more materials. "It will happen again. It will happen by somebody who is not your friend who will then spread the rumors. Do you want that to happen? Is that your goal?"

I gave a frustrated scream, "Why does it even matter? What? Will I ruin your reputation? And, tell me, why the hell are you making a potion?"

He raised an eyebrow, "Quite the change of subject. I am making a potion because it relaxes me. It calms me down." He said softly.

"And why, may I ask do you need calming down?" I started getting angry again. There really was no point in this conversation. He had nothing to worry about!

"Draco, it's not like my friends are going to do anything. That's why they're my friends. So, why…?"

"BECAUSE I'M SCARED!" He screamed as tears began to run down his face. I looked at him in confusion. "Are you happy now? Did you want me to break down, Harry? Did you want me to say it so you can prove how wonderfully brave you are?"

He slid down to the floor in hysterics, crying; his potion forgotten on the desk.

I slid down next to him and put my arm around his shoulder. He leaned his head on mine and we sat like this silently for a while. Draco didn't like to talk when he was upset. It made him feel weak.

"Shh," I said softly, barely even heard, to calm him down as best as I could. It was horrible to even think it, but I liked when he cried, just so I could see if he could possibly be comforted; just to see if I could do it.

"What are you scared of, baby?" I asked while still trying to sooth him.

He sat up quickly and wiped at his eyes, "Nothing, no, forget I said anything!"

"Draco, please, just…you don't have to tell me. Just sit, please," And he did so.

We sat in silence for a while. Finally, Draco spoke up.

"What did your friends say to you?"

"Oh, well," he laughed, "I actually sort of freaked out on Hermione, but they don't understand me."

Draco shook his head, "Harry, the reason they don't understand you is because you do not give them any information."

"What? What are you, their informant? Defendant? It doesn't matter anyway because I hate when they try to butt into my life."

"They're your friends, Harry. They're trying to help you. No, I don't like them. In fact, I can hardly stand them, but you can. And you should embrace what you have because I…I really don't. At least they try to understand you. My 'friends' if you could call them that, they just ask me what to do, where to go, but if I am ever upset…forget it! Hell, if they care!"

"Draco, are you happy?"

He turned his head quickly in my direction, "What kind of question is that?"

I shrugged. I really didn't know, "Just answer,"

"It would make me quite happy if you kiss me,"

I sighed. Draco knew what I was getting at. I wanted to know how he felt about his life, but for now, that would have to do. Besides, I was getting an invitation that no man…well, perhaps no gay man could refuse. So, I'll get some more information out of the boy later…if there's time.


	9. Chapter 9

Alright, everyone, here's the deal. I LOVE writing this story. I just enjoy it so much and I enjoy it even more to see how good I can make it, and then see that it didn't make you wait so long because I don't want to update like once every 2 years. (lol, exaggeration, I know, but some people take a while to update).

Anyways, like I said, I'm devoted to my writing in this story and in my others. On this site and on other sites. As you can see, that takes up a lot of my time in my busy life, which I DON'T MIND AT ALL! The only thing is, if I'm not getting review, why do it? Why waste all this time? I could just write them all and give them to my friends or anyone around me who wants to read it. MY point is, I'm trying very hard to make my stories enjoyable to my readers, and get them up as quickly as possible, while still trying to juggle everything else lol.

I'm not angry or upset, don't get me wrong. I would just really wish I know people out there are liking my stories…or if not, I'd like to know. All I'm asking for is a review. It'd be nice to have like 500 (wishing way too high) but I'd even settle for one. I'm not asking for too much, I don't think. Every time I read a story, I try to review. Please, guys, it's for the sake of any readers out there because it helps me decide to keep going, to delete it from here, or to simply change things in it that might make it better for you.

Chapter 8 got no reviews? Was it bad? Good? See, I don't know because no one told me! Again, I'm writing these stories because I love to read them and I'd love other people to like reading mine, so all I'm asking is for a few reviews a chapter. And, you know what, they make my week! They really really do, even the bad ones…I actually honestly have never gotten a 'your story sucks' before, not that I'm waiting for one, lol, but it'd be nice to hear the truth no matter what. (P.S. If you asked my brothers, every time I get a review, I walk around being happy for like ten years, lol)

A review, please? It depends on the next chapter, if there will BE a next chapter, and uh…my happiness? Lol. Please, I'm not trying to ask for too much, am I? Please review.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 9 (Real chapter)

"We're having fun, aren't we, so why do we have to go and make it all official?" –Manny Santos—Degrassi, not mine :)

A/N: I know, I know, it's kind of a short chapter. Sorry about that. I just had a plan, and this fit in with it, so please don't be mad. Please read and review. Enjoy!

It had been about two weeks since Ron and Hermione had found out about us. They had agreed not to tell anyone, and of course, kept their promise. They promised that they were not angry at me for choosing Draco, (although they let it be known that they had their doubts about it) but they were upset because I lied to them. Anyone in the world could see why I wouldn't inform them of this, right? Why couldn't they?

Enough about Ron and Hermione, though! Draco is a better avenue of though at the moment. It turned out that Ron and Hermione finding out about our relationship was actually good for it. We got to see each other as much as we wanted (well, almost) without the worry of making up excuses. It didn't matter. The weirdest thing, though, was Draco's improvement.

It wasn't much, really, but once in a blue moon, I'd get a smile in the hallways. It was a very good feeling. I also now thought it was funny, rather than alarming, when students would say, 'What the hell was that?' after it was done.

Somewhere alone the lines of our relationship, the most important thing in my life became him. I would have liked to say he wasn't…but I'd be lying. It wasn't just attraction. He meant something to me. A lot. For some reason, unbeknownst to me, he's a big part of me. Draco Malfoy is like my savior. During my depressing days, he gives me reasons to want to live. The funny thing is, he's usually more depressed than I am. What I'm feeling…is very confusing, but it's definitely not…completely unpleasant.

"Come on, Draco," I whined childishly, "Please," I wrapped my arms around him so that there was no space between us. He laughed softly. Draco's laugh did not come often, but when it did, it was an absolutely amazing sound; a beautiful sound. Usually, it was when he was making fun or teasing, that he sniggered or chuckled, but this was an actual laugh, and it was mesmerizing. I felt absolutely lucky that I was the only one who would ever be able to hear it.

"Harry, I want to, but the people in your dorm…"

"Don't worry so much. I made sure they're all busy. Seamus is…well, he's avoiding me at the moment and I believe Neville is out touring the grounds with Dean….what? Draco, I told them to leave!"

Draco laughed again, "Oh, I see, and what about…uh, what about, well, you know,"

This time it was my turn to laugh, "Is it really that hard, Draco? You can't say his name without being insulting?"

I had been teaching Draco the 'If you don't have anything nice to say….about my friends, don't say anything at all.' More often than not, he was picking the second option.

Draco pouted, (cutely, I might add, but I didn't tell him this) "I am trying. So, anyway, what about…Weasley?"

"There now," I condescendingly patted him on the head, "That wasn't so bad now, was it? Where do you think he is?"

"With his girlfriend?"

I snorted, "Of course. Do they ever separate themselves, Draco?"

"Okay, so no one will bother me?" he discovered happily.

I intertwined my fingers with his, smirking, "No one except me,"

"You're a cruel man, Harry Potter," He squeezed my hand.

"Oh, yes, Draco, come on,"

We walked the long way to the Gryffindor Common Room and when we got there, he stopped short. I was about to say the password when he quickly clamped my mouth shut.

"What?" I asked confused.

"Harry, you realize that you are giving me this password?"

"Yess…?"

"And, at any time, I could go in here, and take all your stuff…and completely take advantage of you or anything at all. You know that, right?"

I smiled, realizing what he meant. It actually kind of meant a lot to me that he said that. "I know, Draco," I said the password quite clearly, eyeing him, "but I'm trusting you not to,"

He followed me in, but he didn't stop his protests. "I'm not so sure that's a good idea, Harry,"

I rolled my eyes, "Are you going to take my stuff?"

"No, but If I were, would I tell you?"

"Draco, just relax, okay? I don't want to start an argument with you,"

He sighed, and took my hand again, "Okay,"

I took him slowly up to my dormitory and he closed the door behind me. "So, I was thinking maybe we could talk for a bit?"

Apparently, Draco had other things in mind, for I barely spoke a word and he was kissing me. At first, I got into it, but then realized what I was doing.

"No, Draco, really. Seriously, we need to talk,"

He sighed, throwing his hands in the air, "Fine, fine, let's talk,"

"Okay, I need to know what this IS to you, you know? This relationship…"

"I figured it was something stupid like this,"

"Draco, it's not stupid to me, though. I need to have something set straight,"

"We're having fun, right? So, why do we have to make it all official?"

"Draco, why are you being all defensive?"

I looked into his eyes and almost dropped dead from the sheer intensity in them. The feeling struck my heart so quickly, I knew exactly what it was.

"I need you to listen to me…" I took a deep breath, "because I love you,"

The hands that were holding mine so tightly quickly pulled away. He turned to face the door angrily, "Why would you do that to me?"

I sighed, and moved the stray hairs away from his face, "What?"

He turned back around to face me glaring with pain so deep in his blue eyes, "You are the only one I trust, Harry; the only one I've EVER trusted. So, why would you lie to me?"

It suddenly hit me what he was talking about, but I didn't stop. I needed to get through to him. I needed him to realize that I really did feel this way. It wasn't a lie.

"Just…just take it back and I'll forgive you," he whispered almost desperately.

I shook my head, "I can't!"

"I hate you. I hate you so much, Harry," he had tears in his eyes, "I didn't want to have to end this,"

"Then, don't!" I screamed, terrified at the idea of losing someone who mattered to me so much.

With the tears now falling freely down his face, he smacked me across mine, muttering, "You ruined everything," and slamming the door behind him.

I rubbed my hand across the red check, "I always do," I muttered to myself. Draco, being the one who mattered most in my life, was gone, and the loss hit me harder than the slap. Thinking of his pained eyes, and obviously shattered hope, my own tears began to fall. I really lost him.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Alright, let me explain! Please! This chapter is so amazingly short, really, but there's a reason for that. I have my reasons, trust me. Plus, I needed to end it here because of future chapters. Which, by the way, there won't be too many more. I'm not sure when, exactly, it'll be over, but I'll see how it goes. So, even though it's short, and probably not that great, please review!

"Harry, look, it wasn't meant to be," Ron managed to swallow out.

I refused to touch my food or even look up at my friends. My eyes were transfixed on one being: Draco.

Draco, though, refused to even glance in my direction. He simply stared at the table, laughing every so often at what one of his "friends" said.

"Please," I whispered, though I knew quite well that he couldn't hear me.

When Draco did finally look up, it was to glare, with pain in his eyes.

"Look, just…please just smile at me, make me feel good again," I might as well have been talking to myself, which I really was.

"If you're really that upset about it, just…apologize," Hermione reasoned.

I looked at her as though she were out of her mind, "Hermione, how would…I'm supposed to say, 'I'm sorry for telling you I love you, Draco, I really didn't mean it,'"

"Well," she said slowly, "Draco's a…different kind of person. He may not make sense to you. Besides, you may not love him as much as you think you do,"

"I do!" I screamed. Half of the Gryffindors turned to me, their eyebrows raised.

"I do," I whispered. "I know I love him,"

Hermione let the matter be closed.

In classes and in the hallways it was difficult to function without his beautiful smile pointed in my direction. I guess I had gotten rather used to him. I guess that, without him, I didn't realize how hard my life really had been. In the short month we'd been together, my world had been changed. He made it worth living. Merlin, now I sounded like some cheesy romance novel. He really screwed me up…

"Draco," I whispered catching up with him after Herbology.

"I'm trying to get through, Harry," he paused and searched to see if anyone was around, "Please,"

"No!" I said a lot more forcefully than intended.

"Draco, I want to talk," I pleaded.

"We already did that, remember? I seem to recall there being tears," he said once again turning away.

"I know that you wanted this relationship to be purely physical, and I'm sorry if my feelings got in the way, but that's the thing; I do have them. I respect the fact that you don't feel the same way, but I'd like to give the relationship a second chance."

"Harry, I…"

"Walk with me," I said as I realized we were still in the classroom.

He nodded, "I'm just…it's so damn hard to admit this, but I really am afraid,"

"Afraid of what? I'm not lying, Draco. I really do love you,"

"Stop saying that!"

"It's true!"

Draco laughed, "Yeah, sure. You won't convince me,"\

"Draco,"

I pulled his head up towards mine and kissed him. He obviously didn't object, for a moment later, his tongue was in my mouth. If Draco couldn't say his feelings in words, he proved them with actions. He cared. I knew he cared.

He pulled away and rested his head on my shoulder, "I'm not going to say I feel the same way."

I smiled, and I sort of half-hugged him. "I'm not expecting you too, Dray,"

"But….you matter…so, please….don't," he stopped.

"Don't what?" I asked, confused.

"I….can't….I need…please just…" He looked up with pleading eyes.

I held onto him tight, repositioning him so that his head was still on my shoulder, in case he had another breakdown. (He liked for them to just not be mentioned)

"I'll never hurt you, Draco. I don't know what's happened to you in the past, but I won't ever make you have to lose your trust in me, Draco. Well…never again. I do…I do love you,"

He nodded his head, and though I didn't see it, I felt it. "Thank you," he whispered.


	12. Chapter 12

True to my word, I had never hurt him. When I say this, I don't mean we never argued, but there was nothing that happened that might question his love for me; at least, not that I knew of. Surprisingly, Draco was acting happier than I'd ever seen him. He still had his breakdowns, but they were less frequent, and not nearly as serious. It seemed the break up had actually brought us closer together, which, since we were already inseparable, is something I never thought could happen.

I'm not complaining, though. He's the greatest thing that ever happened to me, really. The most recent breakdown had happened today at lunch time…

"Harry," he said so softly I almost didn't realize he'd spoken. It was the first time he had ever been within twenty feet of our table. I was nervous about that, but happy he was making an extreme effort.

"Hi, Draco, what's up?" I asked, concerned.

"I want to talk to you,"

"Okay," I excused myself from my friends and pretty much, the whole Great Hall watched as we walked down together. To their disappointment, we left the room, closing the doors behind us.

"Is something wrong?" I gestured to his shaking hands.

He put his hands over his eyes and said slowly, "I miss her," And his whole body began to shake.

"Who?" I asked while rubbing his back soothingly.

"Who do you think?" he turned to me, his eyes were already red from crying. "I hate this. I am not supposed to miss her. What did she ever to for me? Nothing, ever! Why should I miss her?"

"Oh," I said as realization dawned on me. "Well, she was your mother. I know it may feel crazy to miss someone that never seemed important, but she was a part of you, Dray. Whether you like it or not, you were a part of both of them. You still are,"

Draco nodded, "It's just…with you, I feel like one person and I know I never was this person before and…I'm just…I don't know who I am, Harry,"

"We'll find you. I promise, we will,"

…………………………………………………………………………………..

So that was the next step in our plan: Finding Draco.

We had many steps in our plan, actually.

"Harry, I found you!" he said, smirking.

"Yes, you did. I was thinking, you want to go outside like I know it's kind of late, but I love going out there late at night and…walk around, or lay on the Quidditch field…"

"You lay in the grass?!" he asked, appalled.

"Yes, Draco," I laughed, "Imagine that! Here, come with me,"

"No," he whined as I tugged at his sleeve.

"Please, it'll be fun,"

So, he followed me out to the Quidditch Pitch, (I very much doubted that we'd get caught).

"Now," I whispered, upon arrival, "Lay here with me,"

"Harry! My clothes!"

"You'll be fine, I promise. Don't worry,"

He cautiously moved down to the ground, breathing deeply as he did so. I threw my arm around him protectively.

"It won't eat you, Dray," I whispered chuckling.

He pulled my arm tighter around his stomach, nodding, "That's what you think,"

He moved even closer to me, resting his head on my chest as I heard him count the beats of my heart. He counted so softly, he sounded afraid to believe what he was doing.

"Yes, Draco," I teased, "I do have a heart. I know you thought this organ was a complete myth, but…"

"Shh," he swatted my head, "Seriously, I need to know you're real; this is real.

"I can assure you, I live and breathe. I'm not sure how long I will be, but—"

"Stop saying things like that," he interrupted, playing fondly with my hair. "Maybe…this…"

"What?" I pressed on.

"Explain love. No one ever really did that for me,"

"Well," I started, "It really is unexplainable,"

The boy wouldn't take no for an answer, though. The only answer I could think of was love Draco.

"Love is when you miss him before he leaves. It's when you lay in the dirt grass," I laughed, "knowing you will get dirty and gross…and probably smacked by your boyfriend. You put up with his insanity because it's a part of them, and being in love means you think everything about them is truly amazing. Love is when you're having an argument, and you're already in the process of making a plan to make-up. Love is….everything I feel when I'm around you,"

Draco got even closer to me that I thought was possible. He tightly embraced me and kissed my lips with a full heart. I smiled.

"Something good?" I asked.

He nodded, "I think I might maybe kinda sorta….l-l-l-l-lo-love you, Harry,"

Draco may not be perfect. We may have to deal with his little breakdowns every once in a while. It may take him years to get over his parents' death and become okay with the way he is. He may have certain self issues to carry along for the rest of his life. And it may be still hard for him to accept and give his love, but we would try every day of our lives, to get him better.

I kissed him again, "It's a start,"


End file.
